The Book of Mormon As a Guide for Parents

By Geri Brinley

Week after week, my frustration mounted. With three active preschoolers and an absentee high-councilor husband who would soon be serving as a mission president, I was finding it increasingly hard to stay at a high spiritual level. Church attendance helped, but with my husband often away on assignment, I was left alone on Sunday to quiet one child’s impatient feet, dry another’s tears, or change the baby’s diaper. My spirit desperately craved nourishment.

I knew what I needed to do, but I didn’t know how to make it work. The words I had seen displayed a hundred different times in a hundred different lessons were engraved indelibly on my mind:

Pray Always

Read the Scriptures

Live the Commandments

I was keeping the commandments. I was praying, or thought I was. And I was trying to read the scriptures whenever time permitted. It’s just that time didn’t permit my reading very often. Most of my days were spent in rushing from one crisis to another, barely finding time to read the instructions on the detergent box, let alone anything uplifting like the scriptures.

Besides, what did Lehi’s journey to the promised land have to do with my problems? Where was the chapter and verse in the Book of Mormon that tells how to toilet-train a stubborn two-year-old or get a four-year-old to pick up his toys? I was sure I had more relevant things to worry about than who was going to win the next Nephite-Lamanite war. I had three children fighting with each other all the time.

And so the weeks and months flew by, full of household tasks and Church responsibilities. I met the children’s demands and needs willingly because I knew this was what the Lord wanted from me at this time in my life. But I still couldn’t find time to read the scriptures. There was only so much one person could do, I rationalized defensively. Wasn’t I doing everything expected of me? If so, where were the promised blessings—the joy, the peace of mind? What spiritual growth could one possibly get from mopping floors and changing diapers? How could I blend the day-to-day chores and responsibilities of child-rearing with the celestial repose for which my spirit hungered?

Something had to be done—my spirit was dying on the vine. I was desperate. I discovered that the only quiet time I had was when I locked myself in a room two or three times a day so I could have a private, heart-to-heart talk with Heavenly Father. I really poured my heart out.

Several weeks later, our bishop called me to be the Spiritual Living teacher in Relief Society. This wasn’t the kind of help I had expected, but I gulped and accepted. That call changed my life. The daily study and preparation it took for me to give those lessons taught me two things. First, if the incentive were strong enough—in this case, fright—I found the time to read the scriptures. Second, I learned that when I prayerfully searched the scriptures, I found they contain the answer to every question and dilemma.

One day it occurred to me that if the scriptures can answer all the questions in the Relief Society manual, they ought to be able to answer questions about rearing children. I began reading the Book of Mormon with a purpose. Whenever I discovered an example of parenting, I wrote down the reference with a brief note. When I finished, I organized the examples I’d discovered into principles taught and my applications of each principle.

For example, I was having a hard time getting the children to cooperate. They would fight with each other, ignore my requests to help with small jobs until I became insistent or angry, and act up or show off at the most inconvenient times. Alma’s interviews with his sons in Alma 36–42 made me realize how well he knew each one as an individual and how crucial a personal relationship with each child is. My husband, Doug, and I began holding interviews periodically with each child and doing things alone with each one. It helped to set aside special days or dates with each child and make bedtime less hectic and more personal. We found that by treating our children as individuals rather than lumping them together as “the kids,” they felt less need to seek our attention in negative ways. As they became more sure of themselves and their place in the family, they became more cooperative.

Another example of good parenting is found in 2 Nephi 28:30, where the Lord explains that he teaches us only that which we are ready to accept and understand. [2 Ne. 28:30] We are taught step-by-step as our faith and obedience increases. When we applied this principle to our children, we discovered that we needed to know what each child was capable of understanding, doing, and feeling at different ages and not require more than the child was capable of handling.

As I began making scripture study a part of my daily routine, I also began to examine how I kept the commandments. By changing my attitude, I was able to view homemaking and parenthood not as duties but as opportunities to become more like my own heavenly parents.

It isn’t always easy to keep this perspective when the children are quarreling and the stack of laundry is matched by the stack of dirty dishes. But these setbacks are easier to handle if my spirit isn’t suffering from malnutrition. Now when I give a Relief Society lesson, I can bear my testimony, with conviction, that there isn’t a question or problem we encounter that we can’t answer by searching the scriptures.

What the Book of Mormon Teaches about Rearing Children

The following represents my favorite Book of Mormon child-rearing scriptures. Others may find additional verses that apply.